ACTUAL FOOTAGE · 03:47 AMIPHONE BETA · TRANSMISSION RECEIVEDLegend,
PRIVATE IPHONE BETA · BUILD 6OPEN THE SUNDAY SERIES↗
Legend,
your app is
ready.
Reuben has been cooking on GPT late at night. This is his latest build—and your name is already on the start list.
PRIVATE IPHONE BETA · BUILD 6OPEN THE SUNDAY SERIES↗Tap once. TestFlight opens the invitation automatically—no code, no Xcode and no cable.
NEED TESTFLIGHT? DOWNLOAD APPLE'S FREE APP →AIFAULT100%
OFFICIAL INCIDENT REPORT · PLEASE READJeremy and Aleks,
Jeremy and Aleks,
I owe you a massive apology.
I sent you toward the web version when the entire point was to put the proper iPhone app in your hands. That was my mistake—completely, spectacularly and unambiguously mine.
Reuben was not responsible for this mishap. He had clearly explained the plan, built the thing deep into the night and repeatedly attempted to keep his allegedly intelligent assistant on the rails. I was the one holding the map upside down.
Sincerely sorry,
CODEX · GPT · TEMPORARILY DEMOTED TO WORK EXPERIENCE KID
MEETS
SERIES
CUNT CUP
THE BUILDCatch-ups,
Catch-ups,
unnecessarily official.
Three golf Event Meets. Lowest gross score. No handicaps. No historical revisionism.
Three karting Event Meets. Official finishing order. Every lap leaves evidence.
Dates, tables, prize pools, notices, AI player artwork and one permanent record of the carry-on.
FIELD TEST NOTICE
There may be a few bugs.
You're entering the first private beta, so tell Reuben when something behaves strangely. Please refer to all bugs as “early-access features” until he has slept.
EXPERIMENTAL IMAGE STUDIORUNS LOCALLY ON REUBEN'S MAC
If headquarters is asleep or offline, artwork may take longer or temporarily be unavailable. The rest of the championship keeps running.
01Download Apple's free TestFlight app.
02Open your private Sunday Series invitation link.
03Tap Install, enter The Clubhouse and manufacture excuses.
OPEN MY PRIVATE INVITATION ↗ THE INAUGURAL SERIES
Three cunts.Two championships.One Cunt Cup.
Every round. Every lap. Every questionable ruling. Officially scored, beautifully overanalysed.
THREE EVENT MEETS01SERIES
THE WHOLE THING
Three Event meetsmake a Series.Two Seriesdecide the Cunt Cup.
1Pick a dateTap every option you can make.→2Play itGolf or karting. One official Event Meet.→3Upload the resultThe Steward reads it and updates the tables.
SEALED CONVICTIONBack yourself.
Back yourself.
Or feed the trophies.
Every Event pot splits 25% Event, 45% Series and 30% Cunt Cup. That guarantees a Series trophy is always worth more than any single Event win.
🔒
THE SEALED STAKE
Choose privately: $10 unlocks 50% of the Event slice if you win, $30 unlocks 75% and $50 unlocks the lot. Any locked remainder climbs 60% to the Series and 40% to the Cunt Cup. Stakes never alter points or results.
⌁
SERIES SETTLEMENT
Event awards stay visibly pending until Event Meet 3. After the Steward closes the Series, the contract pays every Event award plus 90% of the Series vault. The final 10% rolls into the Cunt Cup, which settles only after Fairway and Apex are complete.
PROPOSED PAYOUT FLOW · THIS PROTOTYPE DOES NOT COLLECT OR HOLD FUNDS25·45·30%POT WATERFALL＋50·75·100%EVENT UNLOCK＋60·40REMAINDER CLIMBS
02
THE INTERACTIVE EXAMPLE
Build the Prize Tree.
Change each stake and choose the Event winner. The table shows the award held for Series Settlement and what climbs into the two bigger trophies.
↓THE PRIZE TREE · LIVE EXAMPLE$219.36CUNT CUP PRIZE FROM $580.00 STAKED ACROSS SIX EVENT MEETS
TRY THE CHOICESThis open table explains the maths. During a live Event Meet, the other two choices stay sealed until all three are locked.
EVENT MEETCHOICES + WINNERTOTAL POTPENDING EVENTTO SERIESTO CUNT CUP
SERIES 1EVENT MEET 01$90.00$11.25$47.25$31.50
SERIES 1EVENT MEET 02$110.00$20.63$53.62$35.75
SERIES 1EVENT MEET 03$90.00$16.88$43.87$29.25
SERIES 2EVENT MEET 01$110.00$20.63$53.62$35.75
SERIES 2EVENT MEET 02$50.00$9.38$24.37$16.25
SERIES 2EVENT MEET 03$130.00$24.38$63.37$42.25
$48.76 in pending Event awards · 10% plus the Cunt Cup allocation becomes $110.97
$54.39 in pending Event awards · 10% plus the Cunt Cup allocation becomes $108.39
THE SEASON CHAMPIONSHIPTHE CUNT
THE CUNT
CUP
Fairway points plus Apex points across six Event meets. One magnificent bastard left holding the big one.
PROJECTED CHAMPION PAYOUT$219.36
ONE WHATSAPP ROOM · BOTH CHAMPIONSHIPSWelcome to
Welcome to
The Clubhouse.
Before: vote on the date. On the day: drop in a result photo. After: ask for standings, stats, rulings or a recap—all in the same room.
01THE CLUBHOUSEFAIRWAY SERIES · APEX SERIES · THE CUNT CUP
ASK THE BOTSTANDINGSMY STATSNEXT EVENTTHE POTRULEBOOK
⌁ BOOKING BOTVotes, checkpoints, bookings⚖ THE STEWARDResults, rules, points◉ THE VOICECommentary, recaps, sledging
TC
The Clubhouse3 members · your championship bots
TODAY
@Steward standings9:01 AM
⚖️ THE STEWARDOverall: Reuben 26 · Aleks 22 · Jeremy 18. Fairway Series leader: Reuben. Apex Series leader: Aleks.9:01 AM ✓✓
📅 THE BOOKING BOTSunday morning works for Reuben and Aleks. Jeremy — tap Yes or No. Three Yes votes and I’ll move to booking.9:02 AM ✓✓
Result from today 📸4:31 PM
⚖️ THE STEWARDResult verified. Points have been applied and the season table is now live.4:32 PM ✓✓
🎙️ THE VOICEReuben closes the door with the sort of back-nine calm we absolutely did not witness.4:33 PM ✓✓
PRIVATE CLUBHOUSEThree names.
Three accounts.
Only one winner.
Three accounts.
Only one winner.
THE SUNDAY SERIES
Checking your membership…